


Lean On Me

by Karlinekind



Category: I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Dialogue Heavy, Friendship, Gen, Late Night Conversations, and just me exploring a little headcanon, set during the BTS test week, this is just them talking about stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26337586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karlinekind/pseuds/Karlinekind
Summary: “You’re making that face again,” Geonu said, disrupting Heeseung’s thoughts. “What’s bothering you?”Heeseung blinked and glanced down at his friend. Geonu was lying on his side, still holding that pillow in his arms. He looked tired, but everyone did these days.“I’m fine,” Heeseung said, playing with the phone in his hand. He didn’t want to bother the others with his team’s internal struggles. They all had enough problems with their own groups. Geonu’s deadpan stare told him that he wasn’t very convincing, though.“Come on, talk to me.” Under the blanket, Geonu nudged him with his knee. “You’ll feel better afterwards.”
Relationships: Lee Geonu & Lee Heeseung
Comments: 21
Kudos: 48





	Lean On Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Giinkgo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giinkgo/gifts).



> Happy birthday Giinkgo!! Remember when you told us during the last Experience™ that you needed a Geonu & Heeseung friendship fanfic and we were all like “uuhhh… *uncomfortable silence*”  
> But my brain just wouldn't let that prompt go, so this is what I came up with at 2 a.m. (because all good ideas come to me at 2 a.m.)   
> I hope you like it :)

It was late. The time on Heeseung’s phone said 00:27 a.m. He was scrolling through the selfies he had taken with the other guys today, deleting the blurry ones and wondering which ones to send to the staff who managed the social media accounts of the show. He probably should just go to sleep; it’s been a long day of practice and the dimmed light in the room wasn’t really helping him stay awake either. He was propped up against the headboard of his bed in the purple room, though he kept sliding down more and more.

A soft knock on the door made him look up.

“Hey, you guys still awake?” came Geonu’s voice from outside. Heeseung smiled.

“Yeah, come in.”

The door opened and Geonu peeked inside the room. “Oh, you’re alone,” he said and stepped inside. “Where are Sunoo and Daniel?”

Heeseung just shrugged. Everyone had been busy practicing with their respective groups, and after his own team was done for the day he went straight for the showers and then to bed. He hoped they would call it a day soon though; they needed the rest.

Geonu crossed the room and flopped down next to Heeseung. “Haaah, I’m beat,” he groaned into the pillow. Heeseung scooted over to make room and raised the blanket so his friend could make himself comfortable. After some rearranging and a three second fight over the long pillow (Geonu won, victoriously cuddling the thing), both were content to just lie there and keep each other company.

“You need to talk about something, or else I’m gonna fall asleep…” Geonu mumbled.

Heeseung laughed quietly. “Okay, then… How’s it going with your team?”

“Good, I think. We got the dance pretty much down, vocals are ok… Still need a lot of practice, though. What about you?”

“Haha… well…” Heeseung shrugged. It’s been a mess, honestly, these past few days. The song was pretty much out of everyone’s comfort zone, they weren’t making enough progress, and the devastating feedback at yesterday’s midpoint evaluation had put a big damper on the team’s spirit.

Geonu hummed. “How’s Taki holding up?”

“Not good,” Heeseung admitted. “He cried yesterday, you know. After the evaluation.”

“Yeah, I noticed… It’s hard, huh.”

They fell silent again, each lost in his own thoughts. ‘Hard’ summed it up pretty well. Every test they had had up until now had been a challenge and had pushed them to their limits, both physically and mentally. Plus, a lot of the other guys—especially the younger ones—were struggling with homesickness. Taki included.

Of course, there were good sides to it as well. Living and training together with everyone was so much fun, seeing a performance come together in just a couple of days was awesome, and actually being on stage and doing what he loved most was hands-down the best feeling ever. Heeseung didn’t regret joining the show at all.

But yes, it was hard sometimes. Especially when the leader of their current team was so obviously struggling with his task.

“You’re making that face again,” Geonu said, disrupting Heeseung’s thoughts. “What’s bothering you?”

Heeseung blinked and glanced down at his friend. Geonu was lying on his side, still holding that pillow in his arms. He looked tired, but everyone did these days.

“I’m fine,” Heeseung said, playing with the phone in his hand. He didn’t want to bother the others with his team’s internal struggles. They all had enough problems with their own groups. Geonu’s deadpan stare told him that he wasn’t very convincing, though.

“Come on, talk to me.” Under the blanket, Geonu nudged him with his knee. “You’ll feel better afterwards.”

Heeseung was again reminded of how lucky he was to have Geonu here at I-LAND with him. Maybe it was because they were close in age or because they’ve known each other for some time now, but Geonu had become some sort of pillar for Heeseung. He made everything easier somehow, made the pressure of leading the group seem less heavy. That’s why he wasn’t scared to voice his thoughts now and just get the things he’d been worrying about off his chest. He put his phone away.

“You know, Taki is…” he started, trying to find the right words. “He’s not used to being the leader. And why should he, he’s only 15, right? So, I’m not really surprised that he’s struggling with it. I just hoped he would somehow pull through and overcome the challenge, to—to prove himself, or something like that. Because I know he can do it. He is really skilled. He’s a great dancer, but he never had to lead a group until now and to do it here where there is so much pressure on him is just… not really making it easy for him.”

Geonu had been listening quietly next to him. “What are you going to do, then?”, he asked finally. “Take over from him?”

“Yeah, that’s what everyone expects, right?” he huffed, not managing to keep the slight irritation he felt at that question completely out of his voice. “'Ah, Taki might be leader in name, but Heeseung is actually doing everything’ or something like that…”

Geonu frowned. “Hey, I didn’t say that.”

“I know. I’m sorry…” Heeseung mumbled sheepishly. He hadn’t intended for it to come out as an accusation.

“Do you really believe the others think like that?”

“I don’t know, it’s just…” he trailed off, hesitant to continue. It was something he had been silently worrying about and hadn’t told anyone yet.

Geonu didn’t push him, though. He never did. If you wanted to talk, he would always listen, but he never made you feel pressured. And that was probably what made Heeseung tell him in the end.

“You know, I had the role of leader basically since the start, ever since ‘Into the I-LAND’. And I like doing it! That’s not it, even though I still have a lot to learn, but… I don’t want to be the guy who needs to be leader at all costs and who tries to take the position from someone by force. You know I’m not like that. I’m just kinda worried how it might look for other people. Like, on the outside.” He glanced at the camera in the corner.

(It took some getting used to those things. He managed to forget about them when he was busy practicing, but whenever they had some downtime and just sat around talking, he was reminded that every word they said was recorded. He understood why, of course, but on some days, he just wished they wouldn’t need to feel observed all the time.)

Geonu understood. “You’re worried about your image on the show,” he stated.

Heeseung shrugged. “I mean, after this it _is_ going to be a global voting…”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Geonu said. “I’m sure you have a lot of fans who will vote for you.”

“You don’t know that,” Heeseung countered. “We don’t know anything about how the show is received by the fans… What if they think I’m an arrogant and egotistic guy who—”

“Oh, shut up,” Geonu said and shoved him again. “You’re not, and anyone who says otherwise is a blind idiot.”

It was nice to hear his friend deny those things so readily, but that just was what friends were supposed to do, wasn’t it? It didn’t mean the viewers would see him the same way Geonu and the other guys did.

At his lack of reaction, Geonu sat up to face him properly. “Hey, look at me. Heeseung.” He lifted his hand and squeezed Heeseung’s shoulder reassuringly. “I’m going to say this as many times as I need to. _You are a good leader._ ”

Heeseung finally met his gaze and was almost taken aback by the determination he found in Geonu’s eyes. But his friend wasn’t done yet.

“Do you want to know why I know that? You always think of the team first. You know about everyone’s strengths and weaknesses and you consider them when assigning parts. You always give it your all, no matter what part you have. Whenever someone needs your help, you give it without a second thought. And all of this is precisely why everyone always _wants_ you to be the leader. Because we trust you and we know we can rely on you.”

At first, Heeseung was just staring at him, struggling to find his voice. That was… that wasn’t just a friend trying to cheer him up with some nice words. Geonu had sounded so completely honest and sure that Heeseung had no doubt this truly was what the other boy thought of him. It was the validation he needed right now, and he hoped fiercely that Geonu was right and the others felt the same.

“Wow, um, that’s… Thank you. That means a lot,” he finally managed to get out. Slowly, a big smile stretched across his face and he felt his cheeks warm.

“You’re welcome,” Geonu said, obviously pleased with himself, and shuffled around on the bed so he could lean his back against the headboard as well. “It’s the truth, so you’ve got to accept it. We all love you.”

“Oh my god, shut up,” Heeseung laughed, embarrassed. “I’m going to kick you out of my bed!”

“No, you won’t, you’re too soft,” Geonu grinned. Heeseung shoved him threateningly, but not hard enough to actually push him off the bed.

They lapsed into silence again and Heeseung found himself sliding down the mattress until he could rest his head comfortably on Geonu’s shoulder.

It was nice, talking like this. Sometimes you just needed the comfort of another person sitting close to you, telling you that you’re doing a good job. That you’re enough the way you are.

It was Geonu who broke the quiet again. “Besides, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be me who gets eliminated this time.” He sounded casual, almost nonchalant, but to Heeseung it felt a little forced. Like he wanted to downplay his worries. Which was _not_ going to happen.

“Don’t say that, you don’t know that.” He wouldn’t let Geonu stew in that negative mindset.

Geonu didn’t look at him. He tugged at the sleeves of his hoodie. “I just got this feeling. I don’t know.”

Heeseung frowned. Was this actually something Geonu was worried about? He couldn’t believe someone as talented as Geonu would be kicked out. Besides, he didn’t want to imagine what it would be like if Geonu had to leave. He was such an important part of their group, what would they even do without him?

The biggest part of him of him, though, didn’t want Geonu gone because _Heeseung_ needed him.

“You can’t be eliminated,” he whined, trying to hide his feelings behind playfulness. “What am I even going to do here without you, you can’t go…”

His childish pouting elicited a small laugh from Geonu. “Stop trying to play maknae, leader-nim. You’re not that cute.”

Heeseung snorted at that but didn’t comment further. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around why Geonu would think he’d come in last place at the next test. He sat up, deciding to not drop the topic just yet, and turned to face Geonu, legs crossed under the blanket.

“You’re such a good singer, though, why should they eliminate you? ‘I Need U’ is, like, the perfect song for you, I’m sure you’ll get a good score.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought on the last couple of tests as well,” Geonu said calmly, gaze still fixed on his sleeves. He didn’t sound bitter, more like… resigned. “Somehow I get the feeling that the producers just don’t want me in the final group.”

Shit. This was more serious than Heeseung thought. This wasn’t just Geonu being anxious about the next test like everyone else. He seemed to have put a lot of thought into it. And the way he phrased it made Heeseung involuntarily throw the cameras a quick glance again.

Geonu noticed. “You don’t need to worry about that, I think. It wouldn’t do them any good to show footage like this on TV. Or they’ll just edit it.”

He was probably right. Heeseung tried to ignore the feeling of being watched and asked, “Why do you think that? That they don’t want you in the final group?”

Geonu sighed. “It’s just, no matter how good I am and no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough.” Heeseung realized that this must be a burden Geonu had carried around with him for some time now. He wanted to kick himself for not noticing sooner and offering Geonu his support or whatever the other boy needed to feel better.

“If it was up to them, I wouldn’t even be here anymore. It’s only because of the global voting that I made it out of the Ground. Not because the producers thought I was worth it.”

“No, ok, stop right there,” Heeseung interrupted him, not hesitating for even a second. He couldn’t let Geonu think these things about himself, not when he was so far off from the truth. “You _are_ worth it, ok? You’re amazing and talented, just like everyone else here. You made it so far and you’ve earned your spot, I don’t care what the producers think. They’d be stupid not to want you in the group. _I_ want you in the group,” he added more gently.

Geonu had finally raised his eyes and was now smiling shyly. “Thank you for saying that.”

“I’ll say it as many times as I need to,” Heeseung grinned back, earning a laugh from the other boy.

“I know. I’ll just have to give it my all, it’s not like I’ve given up already,” Geonu said and the determination shone through his words. “And if not in this group, then maybe somewhere else. I’m not giving up.”

_And this is why it would be such a mistake to send Geonu home_ , Heeseung thought.

“… You’re really strong, you know,” he said quietly.

Geonu laughed, waving his hand dismissively. “Nah, I’m just talking big. I really don’t wanna go. I want to keep doing this with you and the other guys.” He hugged the pillow close to his chest again, looking as vulnerable as any 19-year-old boy with a big dream and a growing fear of not being able to reach it. There was nothing Heeseung understood more than that.

“I know, me too,” he said, flopping down on the bed again and burying into the blankets. “Let’s rock practice tomorrow. I’m gonna kick Fake Love’s _ass._ ”

“Yeah. Let’s do that.”

Their conversation stilled again, and Heeseung was about to actually drift off to sleep when the door opened suddenly and startled him out of it.

“Ahhhh, I’m so deeeaaaad,” Sunoo whined and threw himself on his bed.

“Welcome back,” Heeseung said. It got a bit muffled by his blanket, but Sunoo must have heard it because he grunted in reply.

“Where’s Daniel?”

“Dunno,” Sunoo mumbled, still lying face-down on top of his covers. “Last time I checked he was still practicing in the big room.”

“God, that boy,” Geonu sighed. “He’s going to hurt himself at this rate.”

“Should we go check on him?” Heeseung asked.

“Nah, it’s ok,” Geonu said and threw off the blanket, making Heeseung shiver at the cold air he let in. “I’ll go and send him back here.” He stood up and made for the door. “See you guys tomorrow. Good night.”

“Night,” Heeseung and Sunoo echoed back. The door clicked shut.

Sunoo let out a little giggle.

“… What.”

“Nothing. I just thought that you guys are like Daniel’s parents. Making sure the baby goes to bed.”

Heeseung snorted. “That’s because he _is_ a baby. A very tall baby.”

Sunoo laughed and started to get changed for bed.

Heeseung made himself comfortable again, now that Geonu was gone. He was exhausted, but he didn’t regret staying up late to talk with his friend. He had been right, it had helped to open up and have someone listen to his worries, and he hoped he could ease some of Geonu’s concerns as well. He was glad and thankful to have found a friend like Geonu. It would be a dream come true if they could really debut together.

They just had to pull through somehow.

_We’ll make it,_ he thought as he fell asleep.

_I’m sure we’ll make it._

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not crying, you’re crying
> 
> I swear the ending wasn’t supposed to be sad this just happened because I googled the lyrics to Lean On Me and realized what a sad song it is and couldn’t get it out of my head while finishing this story, so this is all your fault Giinkgo because you brought up Day6 last Monday 
> 
> Anyway, happy birthday :)


End file.
